NOTE: This is a VISUAL SIMULATION ONLY - it contains no actual health information. Really, everything on the screen is fake. Even the buttons are fake; you can press them until your finger goes numb, but they will ignore you.

For parents of newborns: Load it up on an Mac (the app is also available for free on iPad/iPhone) and put it where your baby can see it. It will either capture their attention and give you a moment of respite, or your baby will ignore it entirely and continue to terrorize your cat. YMMV.

The simulation is fairly realistic. It fooled our nurses in the NICU enough for them to hold a private meeting and elect one of their brethren to send into our room to ask how we got our baby's - and possibly others - information on our iPad. Having said that, it isn't perfect but most newborns can't tell the difference between this and a real Phillips MX800 IntelliVue Patient Monitor.

The story of how this came to be:

Baby Elle was born on November 7, 2017 and proceeded directly to the NICU. Elle did not pass Go. Elle did not collect $200. Fortunately, Elle wasn't alone for her 39-day stay in the NICU. Mommy and daddy were with her day and night.

During Elle's stay in Chateau Nicu, she would often turn her head to stare transfixed at the health monitor that was only a couple feet away from her bed. It didn't matter how she was positioned, her head would always twist around to find that monitor.

Maybe it was the bright colors and constant motion, or maybe she was performing calculations in her head to verify the mean blood pressure was correct. Whatever the case, she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of it.

Daddy (that's me) decided that if Elle wanted something to captivate her after she checked out of the NICU, she had earned it! So he set to coding up a simulation of that monitor in the spare moments between the doctor's rounds, consultations, treatments, feedings and diaper changes. This app is the result.

Today, baby Elle is living a happy and healthy life and has apparently managed to setup her own twitter account (@ConquerorElle). Mommy and daddy are convinced this account is the result of her enlisting the aid of a cat or two to help her break out of her crib to get on Daddy's laptop.